why standards?

there are a few videos that have caught my attention recently. i'll post them at the end of this post so if you'd like to see them, you can. i highly recommend them.

kids born after 1990 are very different than every other generation to walk the earth. they are the digital natives. they are the ones who don't know life without the internet. they are the ones who were raised with google as a verb. they are the ones who will have jobs doing things that haven't even been invented yet.

i know the behemoth that is the national educational structure (and even international, as so many countries stupidly rely on our model to guide their own) is not built for change, but this model is not helping the kids of today. the school/classroom/teacher led/content based system is not helping kids to think deeper about the world, it's problems, and ways to make things better. the simplest example i can think of is, why do we need to teach the facts about any particular era of history? all of that knowledge, all of (just about) any knowledge exists in truth somewhere on the Internet. wouldn't it be more useful to teach (albeit more daunting) how to locate that information and validate its integrity by verifying the source than to expect rote memorization? much of the content taught today is integral to the larger consciousness...making students aware citizens, informed members of society, encouraging an interest in our history and culture...but as teachers continue to prove time and time again, the most meaningful learnings take place when the child is growing their knowledge about a self-chosen topic. i don't mean we should let kids research their favorite video games and celebrities all the time. but isn't it time to really evaluate what the national, state, and city standards are doing for our kids, and how we could better serve them to meet the expectations of the future?

sorry for the vagueness.

here are those videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMcfrLYDm2U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpEnFwiqdx8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIFYPQjYhv8

no teacher left behind

this is my 6th year.

my first year, as all first year teachers are, i was assigned a mentor from the dept of ed, who would visit my school weekly and meet to discuss my progress, achievements, and challenges, all based off of this strange and foreign-sounding workbook filled with pages that offered graphic organizers for things like 'differentiated goal planning' and 'measurement and assessment' that folded up neatly into this zippable black nylon briefcase. i'll never forget that year, 12 different classes, attempting to maintain differentiated curricula for the lower level 6th and 7th grades and an entirely different set of projects for the higher level classes, all while trying to do upkeep on a lab that had been left to rot for 2 years, running windows 98 in 2004, attempting to upgrade each computer after it was returned from helpdesk repairs to the overheated fans, motherboards, and blown out hard drives.

my mentor, having taught elementary school social studies for over 30 years, and having retired 5 years prior to becoming a mentor, had never heard of utilizing technology in her classroom. in fact, she told me that she had an old black screened computer that had green writing on it, and she used it to store papers. a glorified paperweight. i remember her commenting during our infrequent meetings that the phone in the office she'd been given didn't work, and asked me if i would be able to fix it during one of our meetings. unfortunately, telephony wasn't my technical skill of expertise. one of her suggestions to make my room more visually appealing was to buy several tubes of 'glitter glue' and have kids make bright and colorful posters. i thought authentic student writing about technology security issues in college might be more interesting for visitors who might be inclined to look. the best thing she did for me was recommend a gynecologist (tmi?). having just relocated from boston, i was seeking out a network of new york doctors and this referral turned out to be the best thing my mentor did for me.

when i speak to newer teachers, some as new (or as old) as i am, and some who are in their first few years, i ask them about their mentor experience. i'm very curious. it seems that overall new teachers feel they received a lot of support, tools, strategies, techniques, lesson ideas, and feedback from their mentors. most of them did not, however, receive a gynecologist referral.

current events

looks like mr. mulgrew might have some competition. eterno sounds like a good guy, not content with the status quo. it will be interesting to see if he can gain some recognition and rise up from underdog status. i'm willing to help.

another noteworthy piece about nyc schools losing out on federal funding because teacher tenure is not based on students' academic performance. and we all thought obama was a liberal in terms of education. makes me pine for kucinich.

where's the island of the hippies i'm so depserately seeking?

summer in the city

now that summer is officially here, and the rain seems to have trickled off for a few days, the insomnia has not kicked in yet, and i have gathered most of my thoughts to regurgitate here.

1. i moved to a new email address. makes logging in here kind of annoying, dealing with heaps of spam to delete, though i could just ignore it, i feel like some type of maintenance is obligatory. let me know if you'd like the new one.

2. the statement, 'less is more' does not ring true for me. i believe more is more. and adversely, less is well, less.

3. i'm leaving the country for 3 weeks in 10 days. first time out in many, many years. will be based in geneva, but hopefully will be able to explore a bit of france, spain, germany, and/or italy.

4. found out i will be teaching 24 periods a week next year. i know, the sarcastic 'poor baby' is playing through your mind right now, but it basically means all of the other tech things that were formerly done in 7 periods a week will now be squeezed into two. inventory, repairs, trainings, collaboration, tech requests, equipment updates, the yearbook, open lab hours, will no longer happen in timely manner, all for the sake of not hiring a drama teacher. i don't mind to teach more, that's why i'm there, but if administration thinks i can do what i did in 280 minutes a week in 80, they're going to learn pretty quick that i don't work that way. i was shouted at when i pointed this out in an informal meeting.

5. an old colleague pointed out to me that my position is posted on the open market. i verified, and indeed it is. after a few nervous hours, i got in touch with the payroll secretary and found out that it's all a glitch due to someone's maternity leave paperwork getting screwed up. i'll admit i was imagining what it would be like to be excessed, having to report to some central facility each day, until a position becomes available. i like my classroom though, and i wouldn't want to be away from it.

6. i'm planning on building a reward center this year, which will include beanbag chairs, or some type of cushioney space on the floor where kids can do their work from when they show that they've been focused and productive. it might become unmanageable with 12 different classes though. i'll have to figure out how to introduce it and structure the system.

7. even though mayoral control expired, everything is still pretty much the same as before. we now have a board of ed, like old times, and it's looking like with the departure of uft leader, randi, we'll be looking at some stalematery in terms of a new contract. we did just get back our pre-labor day days, which was nice, and they cut a day off the kids' calendar by putting them back in school a day later, but it's looking like the teachers' union will follow suit with the police, and lower the starting salary and benefits for incoming new teachers so that the older ones can continue to receive the same benefits we've been getting. nothing is certain until it is, and i'm sure there'll be huge headlines about all that.

8. i'm headed off to geneva to take 3 more classes towards my 2nd masters. i'm thinking a lot about what i'll do with it, and if i want to continue teaching in the city after i'm done. i keep thinking about DC, philly, the pacific northwest, canada, europe, and israel. maybe in august i'll have a better sense of the future.

that's it for now.

the things that keep me up at night

at most middle schools here in the city, we use a report card system which consists of bubble sheets, numerical codes for grades, performance standards, and teacher comments. the system is mostly effective, but very impersonal, and it is very hard to remember which comment was given to which kid without referencing the report card and/or gradebook to say, oh yes, now i remember.....

there are a few occasions where the bubbles don't work for a kid. b is a smart, motivated, responsible kid, who is new to brooklyn this year from mexico, tracked into a mid-level class. b's mother visits the school at least monthly, checking in with the parent coordinator for updates in spanish on his progress.

for the first and second marking period i only saw b once a week, though his class came to the lab twice a week for tech. the reason was that b receives ESL services and could only be seen by the ESL teacher during his wednesday tech time. this is not unusual for kids receiving ESL services, or speech services, or counseling, or any other variety of services their iep's require. i have always graded these kids based on the work they complete in the time they are in tech, and make allowances for them because they have other obligations. i would never fail a child because they could not complete a project because they are only in class once a week instead of twice.

sometime in the beginning of the 3rd marking period, b's ESL schedule changed, and he was pulled from tech twice a week to prepare for the nyseslat, a standardized ESL exam. the bubble sheets allow teachers to denote absences from class in a variety of ways. m = medically excused, x=excessive absences, z=non medically excused, r=recent admit, etc.

for the 3rd marking period i coded b as a z, non medically excused. i had not seen him all marking period due to his scheudule change, and had no work from him to grade him on. a grade of a 90 wouldn't be rational, but neither would a 60.

b's mother visited this week, and the parent coordinator in turn visited me, inquiring about the 65 on b's 3rd marking period report card. i couldn't recall b being present in class during that time, had no records in my attendance or gradebook of him, so i went to the business manager to check the status of his z. turns out, when you list a student as a z, it means an automatic 65 on their report card. how unfair.

soon after the the 4th marking period began, b's ESL schedule lightened up and he is back in class once a week. unfortunately, between my bicycle accident (a post for another time) and surgery (same thing), i haven't seen him, more than about 5 times this marking period. but when grades were due this past monday, (monday! there's still another month of school!) i certainly wasn't going to screw him over as i unknowingly did last marking period. no, b earned a much higher grade, inflated due to my mistake from last marking period, a peace offering, not so high as to garner attention from the office, and not so low his mother may question me on his progress, a 90.

financial crisis

so daunting, so dooming, so looming and inevitable.
we're hearing mixed messages, that's for sure.
it all makes me really angry.
15,000 new teachers could be laid off by next year.
that would mean every teacher with less than 3 years of experience.
which would mean i'm safe, but since i'm so far out of license, i could be a candidate for excessing. the uft is shirking me around, not returning my calls, and it's a waiting game with albany. i can't seem to get a straight answer from the state or the doe regarding whether or not my 2nd masters program will be an acceptable means of educational technology certification.

and holy jeez, they're talking about bumping class size up again. i read today that by increasing class size by just 2, we would save 187 million a year.

and then we can buy two more editions of aris with the savings.

seriously, please.

who is making the decisions in this city?

when is education going to be taken seriously in the country?

why are we bailing out banks and people who overspent on a house they couldn't afford?

why are three important teachers from my school sitting in a room somewhere for the past month grading state assessments that they don't believe in? albany demands the assessments, then schools should not have to give up valuable resources to grade those exams. we now have every child who receives mandate ESL services getting shafted because their teachers are grading tests. and students who receive extra reading help are not getting their help because their teacher is grading tests. who makes these rules? and why are things done like this? uggggg.

in other world news, i've finished up the typing/data analysis/graphing unit and we've moved into blogging for the 3rd marking period. my kids don't have this url, but i'm parallel blogging over at http://apfelteachestech.blogspot.com/. feel free to check it out.

conjecture

it's been a while, yes, i know.

here we are, wrapping up the 2nd marking period, and i can safely say that at least 50%, if not more, of my students will fail this semester. two assignments comprised the grade, classwork weighing it at 60% and homework at 40. at my insistence, the classwork was completed by at least 98% of my students. the homework, an independent research project on the topic of their own choice, excluding celebrities, bands, and video games, was completed by somewhere in the vicinity of 35-40% of students. and of that, only about 30% actually met the requirements. the learning i'm taking away from this is that 8th graders do not know how to research a topic. they do not understand the consequences of plagiarism, they did not pay attention when i taught them to validate their information online and cross check their facts. they did not listen when i taught them to document their resources. they reverted back to their copy and paste methods, and i caught them, and they will fail. my favorite thing to do is print up the wikipedia or ehow or yahoo answers or howstuffworks article they used and staple it to their report, highlighting the identical paragraphs in coordinating colors. and they just don't get it. they think this is ok. next up, a lesson on the consequences of plagiarism at the high school and college level.

i'm attempting to make the upcoming 3rd marking period more fun for my students, which, much to their dismay does not include turning my classroom into an arcade hall, but giving them some options about what to learn next. one class seems particularly bent on making their own web pages, while another wants to make podcasts to play for each other. the web page thing should be easy, i'm actually going to lead them through blogs first, then get them into google sites probably, or knol, unless anyone has any alternative suggestions or recommendations. as for the podcasting, we'll do that in garage band, which they've got some minimal exposure to, and i need some brushing up on myself.

there's much to do in the upcoming days and weeks to get ready for this, but i think it may actually make my experience and my students' more meaningful and engaging.

speaking of which, my sister got engaged over christmas and i'm going to boston the weekend after next to meet the machatunim. ok, they're not really my machatunim but i couldn't resist using the word.

when wednesday night feels like sunday

the procrastinating i did this past weekend was futile, in part because the hopes i had of making up the work on this sweet and fine new year were completely irrational. i've never been the kid to finish all my homework the first night of vacation so i have the whole week worry free. i'd rather give myself anxiety about it all week and do a shoddy job on the sunday night before we go back to school.

and so, my 7th graders have nothing to do tomorrow so we'll practice what we started monday, a hands on approach to determining the best search engine for the job.

this is the first year i'm feeling like my teaching years may be dwindling. i'm exhausted of the constant management. i enjoy the content, i enjoy the age bracket of my kids, but i do not enjoy the few problem children who make my job unpleasant. sure, there are tips and tricks to reel them back in and get them to participate and absorb. i just don't feel prepared to spend the energy on that part of my job this year. the summer built me up with hopes of pleasant, intrinsically motivated, well behaved kids. and i got a slightly rowdier than expected bunch. every day i check the mail, i wonder what will happen with michigan. it's become this lighthouse in dark waters, luring me to greener pastures. complete with little dad on my shoulder, whispering, "summers off, 8 and a quarter fixed rate, only 24 more years till retirement." and usually something happens in school the next day to dissuade me from staying. monday, it was fernando, intentionally but possibly unknowingly (he's just that type of kid) putting gum inside the cd rom drive, causing it to eject and close, eject and close, eject and close continuously, until i call to have the damn thing repaired. he denied any affiliation with the broken drive when asked, but when i compared the gum sample found in the drive with the gum sample he spit in my hand while i was questioning him, i found it to be the exact same flavor, the latter a bit more chewed. and it was surprisingly suspicious that the broken drive occurred at the workstation at which he was sitting the previous period. not to worry, apparently his mother will be in at 8am tomorrow morning. though from what i hear, it's been like pulling teeth to get her to come in to pick up his report cards at the end of each marking period. so i'm sure i'll be at school bright an early for nothing, but that's how it goes.

i'll be watching the debates tomorrow night, for better or worse. i won't run a line by line this time, but i'll probably participate in rachel's drinking game. that may be the only way to survive it. after a grueling email exchange with a particularly conservative family member, i think i may have had my fill of political banter for the week. i'm considering tomorrow night's debates a mood lightener, a comedy hour if you will.

i'm kind of feeling sick. it might be allergies though.

dear universe,

some people say if you want something you must ask the universe.

here goes:

please let sarah palin go away. let her be taken off the gop ticket. let john mccain do something very silly and/or embarrassing, such as choking on a pretzel in china, or something equally stupid.

please let bristol palin's pregnancy truly be a farce. please pull the wool off the american people's eyes, so they can stop being so blinded by downs syndrome babies, teenage pregnancy, and a oil loving, gun toting, small town mayor.

please let the dems get some control back. i really don't think that this stupid palin debacle should have caused so much poll rift. i know the dems aren't ones to play dirty, but since we know the gop will, maybe we can outsmart them. use the harvard and syracuse law degrees for something more than good speeches and good feelings. i know we don't want to stoop, but universe, can't we find a way to outwit without sinking to their level?

please universe, let the united states of america get a leader that citizens can be proud of, that the rest of the world won't laugh at, that might try to give us better health care, better air quality, better educations, social justice, and equal freedoms.

universe, i don't have the resources right now to leave for canada, which, if i weren't in a lease until february of 2010, i would be making arrangements to relocate to, though i don't particularly want to leave my urban homeland, my amazing girlfriend, and my life. i'm not opposed to the idea, but maybe you can help with this one.

i can't bear to watch anymore, since i saw mccain a point or two ahead the other day i want to crawl under a rock and die, or go campaigning. for now, i'm squeezing my eyes shut until after november 4 on the issue, hoping that you'll hear my plea and help me out.

thanks, i'd really appreciate it.

<3

appple

back to school....

an early year, this 2008-09 school year.

up until 3 years ago we reported back to school after labor day, for 2 professional training days before the kids came back.

now, thanks to randi and her lame reign as uft prez, we report back two days before labor day weekend. and now, the kids come tuesday, starting the school year off with a 4 day week.

we will survive.


i've spent most of monday and tuesday morning and afternoon in my new classroom. i'm really looking forward to being just a teacher, instead of a coordinator, which, at my old school was really just a glorified teacher position with no advantages because of the overall disorganization of the school.

my new classroom is HUGE! i could fit 3 of my former middle/high school labs inside it. i have 6 beautiful clean windows that look northeast towards sunset park and park slope. i can see lots of green from the greenwood cemetery, being on the 4th floor. it's by far the nicest view i've ever had from a classroom. tough to beat the ground level, concrete courtyard, glimpse the gowanus expressway (and smell its glorious fumes) from my old room.

i spent my time rearranging furniture, putting up fresh bulletin boards, cleaning, and putting my boxes of stuff away. today, the former tech teacher, who had a baby 2 weeks ago, came in to give me keys and show me some of her organization tactics, which i'd picked up on. she gave me passwords to the lab and carts and now i feel pretty ready to begin.

the staff seems cool, i don't think i'll ever get a staff like my former school again, that was some kind of once in a lifetime experience. i mean, i met d at my interview there, and intent to maintain contact with many of the friends i made there. i'm hearing what i expected to hear, that the kids are really quiet and nice. even if they're nightmarish hellspawn, i can handle it. i'm looking forward to meeting them.

to all the teachers out there, i hope your two professional days are easy and productive, and i hope your principals let you leave early. i'll probably be freaking out friday afternoon and will stick around until 8, setting up surveys for parents and kids and assignments and homework and lesson plans and all that stuff. i kind of want to do it right this year.

sleeplessly updating

august is here, which means summer vacation is mostly over.
that's a bummer.

but we do have 25 days until we need to be back in the school buildings, and about 30 until kids arrive. i'm looking forward to meeting my new kids. i'm hoping that their internal filters, sense of decency and morality, and self motivation levels are all set a few notches higher than at my last school. hopefully they'll happily surprise me.

i've been brainstorming some ideas for the upcoming school year. anybody know any middle school teachers in the UK? i'm not sure what they call middle school over there, but it would be in the realm of 11 to 14 year olds. drop me a line if you do, i've got a podcasting/american revolutionary war/global classroom project in mind.

d and i are taking our first vacation ever together. it's only taken me 2 years to get her to agree, but i'm really glad she did. we're headed to my old stomping grounds of western mass next monday and tuesday. i'm pretty psyched to have the opportunity to show her northampton and amherst, the farms of hadley, the back roads of sunderland and belchertown, and maybe head up to deerfield or greenfield for a hike. eddie is accompanying us...poor little guy has an eye infection which we're treating with an antibiotic ointment that he'd prefer we not smear in his eye twice daily. i'm going to check into a multivitamin for him. maybe he needs a little immunebooster.

my car has been doing this finicky occasional refusal to start. it began over the winter and i thought it was cold-related, but it continued into the warm weather. i suspected it had something to do with dampness and/or humidity getting under the hood and causing a disconnect from the battery, or that the battery had some type of leak, or the electrical system was improperly grounded and something was draining it. turns out with my model jeep, the battery terminals are located directly on top of the battery, exposing them to all the air flow that enters through the grill. this causes the terminals to corrode more quickly than most cars. as long as i clean them off every few months the car should start and i can avoid this ridiculous problem that's plagued me since november. baking soda, coca cola, or a wire brush should do the trick. that's my latest installment of cartalk.

so while it's nearing 2am, and i'm wide awake despite having taken xanax earlier, i can likely attribute this to the 3 hour nap that d and i had following some really exhausting gettin it on time. the fatigue from the lex withdrawal is SO worth the fading away of the sexual side effects which have been source of frustration for me. i'll admit that part of my decision to stop taking the lex revolved around curiosity regarding sensitivity, stamina, libido, and getting turned on.

i set up a googlereader today. i often find out about these cool new technologies and procrastinate about using them until it's way too late. but i'm really trying now to stay more up to date so i can show my new students cool tricks this year without having to hear them yawn and say, god ms. a, that's so last year. and stuff. i added all my favorite subscriptions to the reader and now i can read all my blogs in one place. convenient. it even recommends other blogs that i might enjoy. one of them was spot on - nyc educator. hysterical.

my sis is in town for the weekend. i should be seeing her sometime tomorrow or tomorrow night with her boy. she might even be spending the night. my first overnight guests! now - to find a drinking establishment we can all agree upon. the criteria are: must serve a variety of unusual beers. candidates meeting the prefered criteria will receive extra attention: indoor and outdoor space, serves food, casual, walking distance of the slope, not overly crowded, gay friendly, and dog friendly. suggestions are welcome.

time to bond with the neglected cat.

xoxo
w

blacking out the friction

i'm settling into this groove, alternating nights fighting this awakedness.

and so it goes.

and i certainly hope it subsides by the end of the month, when my body will require a more consistent sleeping schedule.

the drawback to being a teacher - lack of a yearly sleep pattern.

since i began teaching, summer has been my experiment, 04 brought a return to family and the beach, 05 found me relapsing into old emotional shit, and eventually in black rock city of all places, 06 was the summer of secretly lusting after d while she pretended not to lust after me, 07 saw a mental breakdown, and now 08 is my own early renaissance. i'm starting to feel like myself again, and i recognize this person who stays up late into the night and morning, and i like her.

a few days ago eddie and i had a brief trip to the end of valentino pier where a small, darkened, triple masted schooner sailed silently by me. i watched for a few seconds, appreciating its simplicity and darkness on the water before the pirate urge began its tickle. a number of years ago i was making preparations to learn the art of sailing by doing. i planned to board a vessel and not get off until i could sail it. i wanted to be a crew member, a deckhand, a part of something that left little to nothing in its wake. i wanted to flee.

for as long as i can remember, when life gets unbearable, i prepare to flee.

"i think that it's brainless to assume that making changes to your window's view will give a new perspective. "

i envy people who are able to spend the majority of their headspace in the present. i've never been a live for the moment person, more like a harp on the past or agonize over the future type. how many times have i wished i could just jump 3 months, 1 year, 10 years into the future just to catch a glimpse of where i might end up.

the reality is that i'm not surprised, i'm not disappointed, i'm just thankful to be where i am. i like my little corner of brooklyn. i love my life with d. i love having a dog. i like teaching and working with technology. i'm glad to have these things to enjoy. it makes me feel like all those years of expecting the worst but hoping for the best might not have been the worst philosophy.


leo asked me if my queer identity might have anything to do with my teens being so disgustingly difficult, and vice versa. if it did, i wasn't yet aware. i knew i valued the closeness i could feel with girls way more than what i could have with boys. but i also knew i was expected to be interested in boys, and obliged that expectation. i banked on the assumption that i just hadn't found a good guy yet. i generalized that all guys were assholes, stupid, only interested in sex, drugs, and video games. in high school i had a definite type of guy i was interested in. long hair, delicate features, rail thin, offbeat characters. think dave pirner or a very young robert plant. boys who looked like girls. but i wasn't thinking about it that way back then. i just knew what i liked. which probably led me to identify as bi for so long in college. i felt i was trying out different boys. seeking that connection that never came. it wasn't until i fell in love with my best friend that i put it together, girls were what made sense for me. and still, i continued to act promiscuously with boys, because it was just so fucking hard to meet girls. my dating strategies left a lot to be desired.

i met d after i'd been completely single for 6 years. my last hetero relationship had fallen apart, my entire life needed rebuilding, and i'd spent those 6 years reinstituting me. 6 years is a long time. i had been on the verge of giving up. something in her sparkled and challenged me. something in her tugged at me and i couldn't ignore it. she asked me to have a date with her and i declined. two months later i made my move. it was the smartest one i made in years.

cha-cha-changes part deux

oh my lord, eddie is amazing. he's the cutest little dog i've ever known. i'm still in a dream every time i see him sitting at the foot of the bed, and find myself thinking, is he really here? he sits, he's working on lay down, he (hasn't yet) gone bathroom inside (though jack has, spitefully or fearfully), and he's just delicious. he has absolutely no interest in other dogs, it seems he got those rocks off at the shelter and is just chillin being the solo pup for a while. he tolerates bigger pups sniffing at him, but skits behind me when they get too close. he seems a bit intimidated by men, specifically large, dark haired men. not sure the rationale behind it, could have something to do with past experiences or his current homelife, living with 2 mommies. he's a dreamchild. at the moment, he's curled up next to me, under the covers, snoozing, as he's had a long day of vet visits (checked out fine, could stand to gain a few pounds), a bath, a nap, another long walk by d while i was out of the house*, a trip to the grandparent's house, a meeting with nikko, another long walk to the park for free concert, a trip to abby's house for a party, and now home. our first full day together - perfect. i can't believe i haven't had a dog until yesterday. i feel like i'm meant to have dogs.

*out of the house because i was called in to interview at a highly rated 6-8 middle school nearby. the interview went phenomenally well, the AP being the former tech teacher at my school, and having left for many the same reasons i'm trying to leave. i was offered the job on the spot and accepted. arrived home to find an email from the other school, telling me to hold out a few more weeks and the budget will be solidified, and another one this evening telling me that the budget it clear and we can move forward. i've already accepted the job at prep, but it is just so...prestigious. and i'm not one for prestige. nor am i one to run from a challenge. but is it really a worthy challenge to deal with nosy annoying parents who may or may not question my every lesson? i have to find out if she wants me teaching social studies as we'd originally discussed or if it's strictly a tech position, which it is at prep. and i've still not told p. i'm sort of avoiding that. it's wrong to do it by email but i probably will - to avoid the confrontation. i don't need the guilt trip she's going to give me.

in summation:

dog ✓
job ✓
sell car - pending advertisment
buy car - pending sell car
grad app - pending personal statement

and these children that you spit on
as they try to change their worlds
are immune to your consultations
theyre quite aware of what theyre going through


xoxo

holding pattern

i'm waiting
and waiting
and growing more and more
surreptitiously paranoid
that my p reads this blog
and knows
that i'm dying
to get out.




i can't do it again next year
be told i'm unfair and racist
be cursed at and have doors slammed in my face, my own doors
be utterly disregarded and completely disrespected
i can't have all of these things happen every day
because the positive things that shine through
are just not enough to make it worth it
at this place

outcome

we had the graduation party for the dell kids on wednesday.

it all went very well, and even though h didn't wind up with the other, lazier, lameass intern's computer because his was stolen, he wound up happy and everyone won in the end.

we wound up outfitting h's computer with an s-video card, ganked from an old machine he scavenged in the takeapart room. i also dug up some extra ram for him, so he got 1 gb. he was pretty enthused though i could sense his frustration. i think in the end he understood the reality of the situation, and the other oaf really didn't.

and that's just one of the problems with kids today.

or is it just one of the problems with overcrowded school systems today.

i'm not sure.

maybe both.

interblues

that missing computer was really the final straw

this camel's back is beyond broke, and it shows in my every move at that place.

the tale of laughter today is:

coming in to find no wireless service. the wlan was up, but no ip could be reached.

the server room, known to blow a lot of hot air read 104 on the busted mobile a/c unit.

i put in a ticket, find out they already know, and have intentionally shut us down once we hit 95.

so i let s know we need a new a/c unit - the head custodian is on vacation, lucky guy, and over the next 7 days all networked workstations will lose their dhcp lease and no longer connect to anything.

interesting how this priority is not really a priority.

***************


i'm in a holding pattern of sorts at the moment.

i keep envisioning the morning i can say to s, 'i'm leaving you. i've been offered another position.'

what a holy dream.

much better than the one where i had to loan a certain someone my car and cell phone for somewhere between 2 and 9 days.


it's 96 here, with little sign of cooling.

can't wait to see what melts down tomorrow.

xox

advise

every once in a while i might ask for some advice

those who know me well know i may or may not listen

but i really like opinions of others

the perspective thing -

i only have my own until somebody shows me another.

so this thing happened about a month ago

where a good kid's computer got stolen

and my P was all like, make signs

and i did

and being that it's my school, where even quality artwork won't stay up on the walls for more than a week without being vandalized or torn down by some little snot who never learned any better, the posters are all but destroyed now.

i never heard anything back from the P or the A in general offering help or subsidizing the cost for another.

i did check in with another teacher in another school in another district, who had an extra computer but turns out it was a 9 year old box with no RAM.

and so it goes.

i have another kid in the program - one who has been designated an identical computer to the one which belonged to the first kid whose computer was stolen.

the other kid is fairly lazy, inconsistently available, overly social when he should be working, and the other day asked me what he could sell his computer for.

he also plans on not attending graduation.

the part where you come in - the advisory section:

can i, in good faith, being the moral, decent person i am, take the computer from the lazy inconsistent kid and re-designate it to the helpful good kid, whose computer was stolen? lazy kid would still get a computer, just not the computer he was planning on getting.

of course i can - i'm the teacher, i can do anything.

but is this ok to do?

i wouldn't normally ask, but i'm really struggling with this one.

thanks,

<3

full-out schoohaus warrior mode

this is my 3rd year running a little after-school program that turns kids into geeks.

some might not garner such a sense of pride from this transition as i do.

this program is what i live for. (in addition to worms, my bike, and canolis from fiorentinos)

this program accepts kids who have no computer at home, offers them the opportunity to take one apart, learn all the pieces, put it all back together, power it up, install an operating system, install some software, take it home, and have a year of internet free. these are kids who come to school at 720 for the breakfast. these are kids who won't get breakfast this summer because they won't be in summer school. these are kids who deserve a break. these are the few intrinsically self motivated little warriors that make what i do worth every second of every bad day. these are the kids i live for.

so today, i was humbled and surprised, but not really by a 'missing' computer.

an amazing student of mine, 'h', also an intern for this after-school program shows up to tell me that his computer is not where it should be, and that he can't find it.
h and i go to the room where the program is held, scour it for the machine and turn up empty-handed. stomping into sara's office i go. core cabinet meeting. forgot. door closed. no way in. secretary senses my rage and inquires. tells me she will interrupt most important meeting of the month for this crisis. sara sways unsteadily at door in disbelief. as if i had not looked hard enough. as if i could have done better. as if the 12 pages of literacy reports correlated by grade and reading proficiency level were not good enough reason to help me, asks, well have you made posters? like a milk bottle - we are to track down the missing computer ourselves.

the class, which was scheduled to be an operating system demo with assessment questions and a journal was postponed. we spent 2 hours designing posters, fliers, and taping them in the hallway. yes - we made posters. they actually turned out decent. we put everyone who stopped by to work fliering. braswell the security officer stops in holding three fliers taped to her hands asking, what the hell is this? has this been reported? does sara know?

she told me to make posters. that's what i'm doing.

it'll be reported first thing tomorrow morning.

please new job; kthxbai

it is getting serious now

the headache sets in by 8:10am

by 9 i remembered that i want to carry a notebook with me to record all the travesties of the day

the first floor unisex bathroom is broken

there is no soap in the dispensers on the 2nd floor

someone knocked the tp to the floor and stepped on it, rolled it around in the wet pee puddle and left it there

a garbage can has been tipped over in the hallway

fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you is scribbled endlessly in the stairwells

the principal doesn't reply to my emails

the math coach stalks me - there is nowhere to hide

the 7th graders show up where the 6th graders are and won't leave

the kindergarteners run through the hallway and don't stop when i say stop running

i can't bloody teach a thing because nobody will shut up and listen

i can't even post instructions because they won't bloody read them

a fight breaks out in my classroom and nobody is available to help break it up

it goes on for 10 minutes before security shows up

the two girls are back in school the very next day as if it never happened

i'm told i can't attend a meeting to learn about new software which will benefit the school for years to come

i eat my lunch in the hallway because classes are constantly in my room

there are candy wrappers left on my floors even though i have a no eating room

i complain endlessly and try to make the system work but there is no system and it doesn't work.

i send out 20 resumes and hear back from no one.

more to come.

all bunny

i went to our state's capital today

on a cute omega bus

with a bunch of other teachers, many of them chapter leaders from brooklyn.

to my non-teacher readers, a chapter leader is your school's UFT rep.

the UFT is the united federation of teachers, or the NYC teacher's union.

we're a unionized bunch, which in many ways works for us, but in many ways keeps us down.

what other professions are unionized?

steelworkers, miners, teamsters, truckers, firefighters, police, transit workers, painters, etc.

what professions are un-unionized?

doctors, lawyers, stockbrokers, bankers, etc.

notice trends?

teachers have trouble breaking the 'professional' barrier and some say the union is to blame.

but in a profession where there is no standard cookie-cutter product, the union helps out a lot.

we pay them a little under $80 a month

they give us dental insurance, a free pair of glasses every two years, and the security that if something goes wrong on the job, they'll back us up.

they're on our side with just about anything just short of child abuse. they even back you up when the child abuses you. which happens - frequently.

so i went to our state capital today to lobby our legislators to keep their promises not to cut funding, to help improve class size by mandating it be made smaller, to keep a functioning SAVE room in all schools, to continue developing a technical program in addition to standard high schools, and to give special ed kids the supports they are mandated.

it was an interesting time to be in albany, due to all of the spitzer bru ha ha going on, in fact there was a joint session of the senate and the general assembly. spitzey was nowhere to be seen. i'm sure he's groveling to his wife right about now.

that's where i'd be anyway. not that i'd ever have to. cuz i wouldn't do it. but if i did, i would hope i wouldn't be forced to resign from my job for it.

yeah, i guess i'm all for the decriminalization and legalization of prostitution.

recession? what recession? we all have to make a living somehow.

who are you to judge?