holding pattern

i'm waiting
and waiting
and growing more and more
surreptitiously paranoid
that my p reads this blog
and knows
that i'm dying
to get out.

i can't do it again next year
be told i'm unfair and racist
be cursed at and have doors slammed in my face, my own doors
be utterly disregarded and completely disrespected
i can't have all of these things happen every day
because the positive things that shine through
are just not enough to make it worth it
at this place

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