heeding my own advice

so i've been trying out this new four letter d word
yeah - a diet.
shut up.

and basically i have 2 things working against me
my lack of willpower
and my refusal to weigh or measure anything.
so muddling my way through this diet by eyeballing and estimating portions, i'm probably being completely counterproductive, as well as giving altogether too much fodder for d to get bothered with me, since she is my tracking system and constantly reminds me that she can't track 'a handful of blue chips and a chunk of salsa' or 'almost a whole bowl but not quite full with enough milk to cover the cereal and about a third of a banana.'

point being, i need to measure.
other point being, this diet is supposed to help me to recognize what a normal portion is, which i have some difficulty with, because if something is yummy, i want to eat all of it, until it's gone (clean your plate syndrome [thanks mom]) and then some kind of weird psychological survival instinct kicks in that makes my brain feel the need to stock up on food, as if i won't get any for the next year.

this seems to happen especially in traditional italian restaurants and at family bbqs.

so tonight i ate:

1 sesame tamari rice cake
5 pieces of italian bread with butter
3 breadsticks
5 baked stuffed clams
1/2 stuffed artichoke
2 mussels marinara
1.5 chunk burnt garlic chicken
1 bowl rigatoni with shrimp and white sauce loaded with parmesean cheese
1 strand broccoli rabe
2 fried zucchini
4 tartufo, which is an ice cream cake, vanilla on the bottom, chocolate on top, marachino cherry in the middle with crushed almonds separating the flavors, covered in a hard chocolate shell, then cut into 8s. so i ate half a tartufo.
2 bites italian cheesecake, which is made with ricotta cheese
3 pieces watermelon
1 piece honeydew
1 cappucino
2 bites chocolate puddin


i've spent the better part of the evening trying to make my body break this mess down. the sounds i'm emitting are surprising me and scaring the cat.

we can safely say i lost control tonight.

back to celery stalks and seltzer tomorrow.

xo